Are you carrying around years of baggage that prevents you from personal growth?
Even at my age of 71, I still carry the scars from child abuse. I have harbored my insecurities as a teen and a young adult when I felt vulnerable. I have been angry with my parents for their estrangement because they could not accept me as a gay man. This fueled the self-doubt and the low self-esteem I had to conquer.
For years, I did not realize this baggage strangled me in interpersonal relationships. At work, if criticized by my boss, I took it personal. He doesn’t like me. He thinks I’m stupid and I can’t do the job. He is trying to get rid of me.
Actually, he was giving me constructive criticism. He wanted me to make corrections that I had overlooked. He might been attempting to expand my horizon and for me to take on additional responsibility. At the time, I didn’t see it that way.
I know most writers can relate to how I am feeling. These emotions go by many names, jitters, butterflies, heebie-jeebies, etc. I am talking about the anxiety you feel when you are ready to launch a new book. I am at the final stages and most likely within days of launching my second book, What Did I Do?
It was a year ago that I published my first book, One Month, 20 Days, and a Wake Up. I do not remember feeling this way, yet the apprehension was there. First, I worried if anyone would read it. If they read it, what kind of review would I receive? I made mistakes with the first one. The biggest was I did not have it professionally edited. I won’t do that again. I also waited too long to begin a marketing program. I will discuss these topics in future posts.
I have learned a ton of things since then. I have followed many blog and book writers here on WordPress. I have listened to their advice and taken notes. I tried my best to apply the things I learned. I can only hope it will be received well.
For those who have been following my post over the last few months, you will recall I’ve been posting about my second book. I’m getting excited because we are getting closer to the reality. I hope with this post I can entice you a little more.
I decided I would take a risk and publish it as a memoir. It does not exactly meet the strict guidelines as a memoir. I felt the book would lose realism and validity if presented as fiction based on a true story. Making my decision, I considered the advice many of my followers provided and I can’t thank them enough. I found many authors of memoirs often include a note explaining any idiosyncrasies. Below is my author’s note and I hope after reading it, you will agree it bridges any doubts.
My previous post, “Sneak Peak – Book Two” I reveled the genre of my second book. Child abuse has been around ever since the birth of humans. It is not anything new. As hard as we wish, it is not going away anytime soon. It is unimaginable that parents can be so malicious to their children. Nothing in nature comes close to the cruelty humanity inflicts on their offspring.
My book focuses on my youth were I endured years of both physical and mental abuse. Yet, I want readers to comprehend there is more to the story. I want the reader to understand the long-term effect abuse has on the recipient. I want the reader to grasp the mental state of the child during the abuse. How is it they tolerate it? How do they deflect it to minimize the pain? How do they survive?Continue reading “Genre Revealed”
Self-esteem as defined by Wikipedia is “…a person’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude towards the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame… Self-esteem is attractive as a social psychological construct because researchers have conceptualized it as an influential predictor of certain outcomes, such as academic achievement, happiness, satisfaction in marriage and relationships, and criminal behavior…”
After reading this and following a ton of links on the subject, I thought, what can I convey to relate my self-esteem or lack thereof, to how it influenced my life. I have many childhood memories that convey sorrow as well as anger. I am going to share one that I feel is pertinent to my struggles with self-esteem. Continue reading “SELF-ESTEEM — A SELF EXAMINATION”