A Story of Developing Self-Confidence

“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” — E. E. Cummings

While growing up, I wanted to please my dad. As hard as I tried, it was an insurmountable effort. My dad wanted a rough tough boy and to him I did not the meet the criterion. His discipline both verbal and physical was severe. Dad felt I was a loss cause and I would never amount to anything. Yet, I remember never giving up trying to gain his praise.

The summer after turning twelve, my dad announced I would spend the summer working on my uncle’s farm. He told me Uncle Hank would keep me so busy with hard work I would not have time to get into trouble. He was hoping manual labor would make a man out of me.

We had previously visited Aunt Ruth and Uncle Hank’s farm in northwestern Minnesota. Aunt Ruth and Uncle Hank had three boys and a girl. When visiting, we always had fun and there was so much to see and do on the farm. I felt excited with the thought of spending the summer there.

My dad lectured me on the five-hour drive to the farm. He had better not hear that I disobeyed my uncle. I better be respectful to my aunt. I would have hell to pay if I was lazy and did not do the job right. I listened as he told me what it was like when he was a boy to work on his father’s farm. How his dad expected him to work hard and not complain. It was the typical, “when I was a boy how hard I had it”, story. I listened, but I had heard this story before. Yet, he devastated me when he said he did not want his family to know he had a sissy for a son. For years, he had called me a crybaby and sissy among other names. This time it hurt more than normal. Continue reading “A Story of Developing Self-Confidence”

Does Time Accelerate?

I follow Lydia Oyetunji blogs on Live…Love….Share!!! (https://Lydiaoye.wordpress.com) and on a recent post, “Where In the World is Lydia”, she discussed finding your balance of time management for family, work, and your writing. I commented, before I retired, I anticipated time, would slow down. In reality, I was experiencing just the opposite. I have to manage my time more now than when I worked.

So why is it that the older we get, the faster our days, weeks, and yes, years seem to go. Does it happen or is it a mindset? For most of my career, I was an accountant. We bean counters look at the world different from others. Things are black or white, or right or wrong. Continue reading “Does Time Accelerate?”

Why do I write?


On my Home page, I stated the premise of my website was to promote my book. However, it goes beyond this, it is an introduction to who I am. I am not narcissistic enough to believe I am someone special, although I have had a remarkable life. My life was a combination of heartbreaks and ecstasies. Many of my experiences left unhealed scars and some came with lessons learned. So why do I write?

It all started about six years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. My doctor advised me the treatment would likely be debilitating. This would make working full time difficult. Since I had anticipated retiring in the next year or two, I took an early retirement. I did not want to sit at home feeling sorry for myself or sit and watch mindless TV.

Both my closest friend and my husband had encouraged me for years to write about my life. I had shared much of it with them, but I hid more. They felt if I would write those stories, it would excel as a book. However, in my mind, I was not a writer. I looked at the project as a monumental task and I had no self-confidence I would succeed.

I never gave it a thought that I had been writing for years. The last 25 years of my career, I was the Budget Manager for division of Palm Beach County government. Every year I wrote and distributed a budget document. It gave the taxpayers our goals, objectives, and financial plans. My budget document won awards from Government Finance Officer’s Association. I reviewed peer budget documents submitted for that same award. Without my admission, I was a writer. Continue reading “Why do I write?”




By Chuck Jackson

as defined by Wikipedia is “…a person’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude towards the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame… Self-esteem is attractive as a social psychological construct because researchers have conceptualized it as an influential predictor of certain outcomes, such as academic achievement, happiness, satisfaction in marriage and relationships, and criminal behavior…”

After reading this and following a ton of links on the subject, I thought, what can I convey to relate my self-esteem or lack thereof, to how it influenced my life. I have many childhood memories that convey sorrow as well as anger. I am going to share one that I feel is pertinent to my struggles with self-esteem. Continue reading “SELF-ESTEEM — A SELF EXAMINATION”